There's an idea that people can only take so much change at once, and this week I had the feeling I was buckling under the weight of change. I need certainty! Of course, once I'd named the feeling and asked [God] for help I was well on my way to feeling better.
Well, Mr Noah arrived four months ago and
1) I started work about 6 weeks ago. Then,
2) We moved downstairs, to a more expensive, larger apartment. Now,
3) We are in the process of selling an apartment we [well, the bank] owned and have been renting out the past 6 years.
4) We bought a rug (which, you say, is not a major life change but it feels like a pretty profound move towards adulthood.)
I'm not sure how much insight I can offer on handling change, because you're probably not as psychotically driven by schedules as I am and can teach me a thing or two (check the Adams meal schedule). I did realize that embracing the reality that I am a bit stretched was helpful. I don't think the impulse to control and limit change is terribly helpful, because it puts my wellbeing on very shaky ground. I don't want my perfect day to be the day that happened exactly as I planned and predicted it would-- that seems like a bit empty to me.
On work: Pumping doesn't feel quite right: I feel as though if Noah needs my milk, he probably also needs me. Apart from the guilt (and need to whine), I do have a sense of pride that I'm helping to support our family by returning to work. Women who are pumping milk at work (mmm, I acknowledge my readership to be tiny enough that there are between 0 and 3 of you out there), the most helpful thing has been the handsfree pumping option. I can type while pumping.
To make an abstract political comment: Women can and should be professionals (do I need to say that?), and should have equal rights in the office, but I am frustrated by the realities (bills, health insurance, student loans, the price of Boston life) that seem to lock us all into full time jobs. I don't believe that a family of work rats is what first wave feminists (to whom I am hugely grateful) had in mind. Surely we are meant to work less than we currently do in the U.S., and that (in most lines of work) we can do as much in far less time.
I'll wait on the others since that'll make it too long of a blog post. Happy Monday!