I have a lot of baggage around parenting that seems to be about control. I think a lot of people raised or exposed to Southern Baptist theology find themselves seeped in Calvinist theology about children- that children need to have their will subdued (I'm not actually sure if this is Calvinist, I tried fact-checking and came across some really weird stuff on predestination).
Examples of parenting I was most familiar with had a strong undertone of needing to transform your child from a sinner into something else. Obedience was held up as the Ultimate Good. I remember hearing parents at my old church describe how they had to spank their children because their child's will was too strong, or that their children were manipulative, and so on. I remember words to children along the lines of "I really don't want to spank you, but...".
I think this fear of being manipulated comes in early on in parenting. We do things like leave our tiny babies to cry, or other things that run counter to our instinct, because we're fearful of the consequences. If we don't, will our children become drug addicts and do crazy stuff? Or in the short term, will they become spoiled brats?
I've found walking this line challenging- I think Noah needs boundaries and guidance and so on. But I don't want to "break" him, and I'm pretty sure I'm more manipulative than he (much to my shame). When I'm upset at his "disobedience", I have to check myself- am I upset because he's not conforming to my will immediately, because he doesn't understand, or because I feel like I've lost control of a situation? Doing this check helps me to understand my anger.
Noah gets 1 minute time-outs, which are needed for Eug and I to try to maintain our composure and not totally lose it. They're not super effective for Noah, but I usually feel better afterwards. Explaining stuff is sometimes effective, sometimes not. If he's worked up, then it's sometimes better just to breathe deeply and try not to cry.
Trying not to get angry at Noah is hilarious. Two year olds are infuriating sometimes- they don't make any sense. We see the world differently. But at least theoretically, I like to spend as much time enjoying his company as possible, and helping him to gradually learn new things.
I'd love to hear how others navigate discipline!