Noah's sleeping on me, as he sometimes does when he gets totally exhausted and finally collapses. It's pretty awesome.
I feel like the blog has had a slightly somber tone as we figure out our way here in Cape Town. And there are justifiable reasons for this:
Yesterday, my PhD proposal defense went as badly as my wildest imaginings, and I spent the afternoon, and early morning, in defensive conversations in my head about how I was right and my readers were wrong. I spent several more hours thinking about how I would never be able to sit and read a book because there are so many things hanging over us. Eug and I then pursued plan F with the bathroom. I was mainly shopping as moral support and because Eug can't open a bank account in South Africa.
We then sat down and reflected on exactly how shockingly awesome our lives are. We even have the capacity to bless others, though we often tread water. Noah fell asleep in my arms, and I am able to write here.
In that light, I'm hoping to pursue more of the tone of my recent favorite blogs- Momentary Delight and Sparkling Adventures (aren't the titles great on their own?), in as authentic a way as a I can, with the thought that gratitude can be as real as struggle. And the two can coexist:
On Sunday we visited a church where Noah is in love with Rarah (Sarah), a 10-year old who knows just how to treat an almost two-year old. We then met old friends from Durban who were visiting for the weekend, visited the tidal pool in Camps Bay, and returned home tired and satisfied. Today, I saw my grandparents and parents, and I hung out with Noah on the beach, again, as Eug worked on the bathroom. Not only is Noah cared for by family, he gets to have adventures almost every day of his life.
With this in mind, I hope to leave some of the sense of struggle behind. Struggles are real but relative. Maybe the choices over deadlines- real or imagined- are actual choices, not unwieldy burdens.